When I was a kid, “The Attack of the
Killer Tomatoes” was an absolute godsend. I was a huge
monster movie lover and the sight of an army of gigantic
tomatoes going to war against the human race made me
shoot Cocoa Krispies flavored milk out my nose. They got
me every time. But I knew it didn’t have to stop there.
Things could get a whole lot more out of control than
that and I’m not talking about the threatened invasion
of Killer Carrots at the end of the film or even a
Killer Tomatoes sequel…although we did get that sequel
and we’re all sorry for it. No, there was something else
on my mind, but I knew it would never happen. There’s no
way in hell someone would make a film about a monstrous
ass laying siege to a major city. Well, along comes
creator of cult films Mark Pirro (“Deathrow Gameshow,”
“A Polish Vampire in Burbank”) with his latest movie,
“Rectuma,” which offers just that.
Thank the Lord! Thank the Lord!
Okay, here we go – returning from his vacation in
Tijuana, Waldo Williams finds that his ass has been
infected by the Mexican Butthumping Bullfrog, causing
him plenty of pain and a whole lot more gas. After
visiting a wacky scientist, Waldo finds that his ass has
started glowing green with radiation. It’s not long
before his rear end takes on a life of his own,
detaching itself from the rest of his body to go on a
killing spree, leaving fecal tracks wherever it goes,
incriminating Waldo in the murders. But being framed as
a murderer is the least of Waldo’s problems as his ass
grows Godzilla big and wages full out war against Los
Angeles.
Of course, you realize none of this is taken
seriously. And I really mean none of it at all. Even the
intermittent anti-piracy disclaimer in the picture of my
screener had a different joke every time it came
scrolling by – threatening a curse or the vengeance of a
bunch of Italian thugs if illegal copies were made of
this DVD. Whosever idea it was to do that, I just want
them to know that they are deeply appreciated. That kind
of sense of humor is found in every frame of this film.
So basically your threshold for silliness will dictate
how much you will enjoy this film if at all. If you’re a
fan of Pirro’s earlier works, then it’s guaranteed that
you have to see this film with the utmost urgency. He’s
outdone himself here. Not a moment goes by that the film
isn’t making some sort of crude joke. Those with tastes
that run towards toilet humor will not be disappointed –
asses, turds and farts abound. Lovers of giant monster
movies will also find plenty to soak up as countless
Godzilla jokes are made, including the appearance of the
Mothra twin fairies as our sing-songy narrators.
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you might even shit blood.
Yes, “Rectuma” is just that turdriffic.
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